So I never really updated here after my last doctor’s appointment. The OB we’ve chosen is very kind, and also seems to be a big worrier, so in light of the cerclage/incompetent cervix diagnosis from high-risk, I made a follow-up appointment to discuss it with her. I didn’t get the “no, this is insane and there’s no point in stitching you up” that I kind of wanted, but I left in a MUCH more positive headspace about trying again.
There is no way to know if the cerclage will help or not. There is no way to know if my cervix was for sure the issue. It’s as good a guess as any, and I agree, but I wonder if in this case the “just-in-case” treatment might not be worth it. Well, our OB thinks it is. She said the bleeding risk is really a non-issue – when that becomes an issue, there are enough warning signs and I am having enough monitoring and ultimately the blood thinner dosage I am on during pregnancy is not so dangerous as to preclude them even doing surgery on me, so she suggested I take that off the table as a concern. Which leaves infection as the biggie, and considering that I just got my hospital records back which seem to indicate that I definitely had an infection BEFORE I arrived at the hospital (high white blood cell count from my intake blood draw), I have come to the opinion that no matter why it happened, if I hadn’t gotten the infection it’s very possible Amy could still be with us right now.
So I asked her, if you’re me, do you get the cerclage? And she was very funny, because she took this very seriously, and thought about it in fretting fashion for a minute or two, before saying that she would, because in her mind the risk of regretting it if we didn’t and lost another baby was higher than the risks of the cerclage procedure.
And then I asked her the real question, the one that goes through my mind 20 times a day, is this crazy? Too much? Like, should we considering adoption? And she looked right at me, and she said, “if it were me, I’d want to try again.”
And this, I think, was the key for me, in getting a little more zen about the road ahead. Because if a practicing obstetrician, who has seen cases like mine on more than one occasion, and who has seen cerclages work and not work and babies die and not die, if in her vast experience of this situation, she believes there is a good chance that at the end of this, there will be a living baby? That in the exact same position, she would try again? Then I can try to believe that too.