Elegy for Amy

Keepin’ On September 11, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — elegyforamy @ 11:52 am

I think it’s important to find silver linings. Which is not to say that I’m not sad, or angry, or jealous of everyone who seems capable of getting and staying pregnant until a normal, healthy gestational age. It’s just that those things only get me so far.

I think it’s also important to acknowledge the negative along with the positive, because sads – I have them. I wish I were pregnant right now. I wish I didn’t even have to get pregnant again, but since I do, I wish it would just happen already. For lots of reasons.

But here are some reasons that next month is better:

I get to go to New England in a few weeks to see my family and walk with my friends in a 5K to honor my very good friend’s sister who lost her battle with breast cancer last year.

My possible bedrest time will no longer overlap with the busiest time at my job or another coworker’s maternity leave.

Nor will it overlap with Thanksgiving, when my family will be in town; maybe we could even go to the aquarium like I’d wanted to do with my sister.

Next cycle will be far enough from the dates of Amy’s pregnancy to still not be terribly traumatic but close enough that all of my maternity clothes should be seasonally appropriate.

Next cycle will bring us to exactly 6 months after Amy’s loss, which pushes me out of the “increased risk” zone of having two pregnancies so close together with suspected incompetent cervix or preterm labor.

So, it’s not all bad. I am just keeping everything crossed that this next cycle goes as planned and hopefully, hopefully it is THE cycle.


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