Elegy for Amy

7w2d November 4, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — elegyforamy @ 12:05 pm

Had a great appointment on Friday. Great in the sense that it was the most boring appointment in the history of the world, because everything is totally normal, and oh, I gained another pregnancy day because I measured 7w0d exactly and this was my official dating ultrasound. So my due date is now June 21st, which is of course at least two weeks later than I will actually give birth, but either way. Heartbeat, yolk sac, good positioning, closed cervix… yada, yada, yada.

This appointment has finally made this all more real to me, that I am actually pregnant, that I might actually stay pregnant, that the odds are ever-increasing that NewBaby will live to do battle with all of my second trimester risks and fears, a task I hope we are both up to. That I am more than likely having surgery *on my cervix* in less than 7 weeks. Four days before Christmas.

And this: I already love this baby so, so much. This is what I was too reluctant to do last time, too miserable to do last time, to realize that even at this early date, when NewBaby is no more than a bundle of cells and a blob on an ultrasound whose “head” shape is really just a yolk sac, I love the baby. I want to protect it. I want to bring it home with us, in 31 weeks. Knowing what it’s like not to get to do that just makes me more aware of how much I already want that.

I didn’t realize, last time. The love for this tiny being who never really got to live was almost a shock, because how could it be this strong? But it can, and it is, because even now, this is our baby.

Please let us bring this one home.

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One Response to “7w2d”

  1. Sarie Says:

    From personal experience, I can attest that yes, you can love the CRAP out of your baby when it’s only been 6 or 7 or 8 weeks. For me, that love began the minute I knew I was pregnant, and my loss at 7 weeks felt like the loss of a real person, because I loved that blob of cells like…a child. Which it was. I am crossing every finger and toe that this pregnancy runs its full course for you and that your story ends happily this time. LOVE!


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