Elegy for Amy

7w2d November 4, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — elegyforamy @ 12:05 pm

Had a great appointment on Friday. Great in the sense that it was the most boring appointment in the history of the world, because everything is totally normal, and oh, I gained another pregnancy day because I measured 7w0d exactly and this was my official dating ultrasound. So my due date is now June 21st, which is of course at least two weeks later than I will actually give birth, but either way. Heartbeat, yolk sac, good positioning, closed cervix… yada, yada, yada.

This appointment has finally made this all more real to me, that I am actually pregnant, that I might actually stay pregnant, that the odds are ever-increasing that NewBaby will live to do battle with all of my second trimester risks and fears, a task I hope we are both up to. That I am more than likely having surgery *on my cervix* in less than 7 weeks. Four days before Christmas.

And this: I already love this baby so, so much. This is what I was too reluctant to do last time, too miserable to do last time, to realize that even at this early date, when NewBaby is no more than a bundle of cells and a blob on an ultrasound whose “head” shape is really just a yolk sac, I love the baby. I want to protect it. I want to bring it home with us, in 31 weeks. Knowing what it’s like not to get to do that just makes me more aware of how much I already want that.

I didn’t realize, last time. The love for this tiny being who never really got to live was almost a shock, because how could it be this strong? But it can, and it is, because even now, this is our baby.

Please let us bring this one home.


One Response to “7w2d”

  1. Sarie Says:

    From personal experience, I can attest that yes, you can love the CRAP out of your baby when it’s only been 6 or 7 or 8 weeks. For me, that love began the minute I knew I was pregnant, and my loss at 7 weeks felt like the loss of a real person, because I loved that blob of cells like…a child. Which it was. I am crossing every finger and toe that this pregnancy runs its full course for you and that your story ends happily this time. LOVE!

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