Day 23 of my confinement; I think the lack of social interaction with anyone but medical professionals and my husband is starting to take its toll. Because we are doing great, and I should be happy! Yay! And I sort of am, but I’m also sort of depressed. My hips hurt, my back hurts, it’s gorgeous outside, tomorrow will be the same as today and it starts to feel like no matter how well we do, I’m going to be stuck here until I have a baby, which all signs indicate will be kind of a while from now.
Which is what we want. Bed rest is just ironically exhausting.
We had two great appointments this past week – the first, my glucose screening, I do not have gestational diabetes. I got my steroid shots “just in case,” and then, because it’s only a week away, they gave me my third trimester educational session. Which filled me with glee, actually – she’d pull out a paper, “this is a list of pediatricians we recommend, here’s some tips about choosing one,” and I laughed and laughed in disbelief at each one because this is NORMAL stuff. Normal stuff that normal people having normal babies in normal pregnancies have to think about, and we’ve somehow gotten to the point where I might actually get to do some of the normal stuff, too. Pediatricians! Are for live babies! They think I’m going to have one! Can you believe it??
The second was beyond my wildest imaginings – Friday’s ultrasound. We’re at 26 weeks, which is amazing, and we were stable last time, so for once I went in thinking optimistically that it might still be stable, or maybe it only shortened a smidge, and since it’s not even technically too short yet, stable might mean less restrictive bed rest in a few weeks. And knowing that in the worst-case scenario, I do not have to see that damn DNR form anymore, I’m 26 weeks, this baby is getting saved one way or another.
Well, my cervix was not stable. It was better than stable. It’s gained back nearly 1 cm in length. Which is the most incredible relief. We have wiggle room, now. Cushion. A totally normal, un-bed-rest-able, unconcerning cervical length. At 26 weeks. For me. I can not actually count the number of loud relieved sighs that took place between leaving the exam room and returning home.
So I should be happy! And I am. I really, really am. It’s just doubly frustrating to now be on bed rest for something that doesn’t even warrant bed rest, except that it might only be that long because I’ve been on bed rest. And I keep asking for some privileges, and they just say we’ll talk about it later. They want me on strict. 24/7 laying down except to pee and eat bed rest, with a perfectly long cervix! I’m not asking to run a mile, or go shopping, or even go to work, I’m asking if I can like, sit in a recliner for an hour a day. Or maybe on the weeks when I don’t have three doctors appointments, I could go out to eat at a restaurant one time instead, which logically is WAY LESS ACTIVITY. But everyone wants to be on the safe side. And so do I, I totally get it. But I’m the one stuck in this bed, in this body, and it’s really kind of hard.
But we’re 26 weeks and 1 day pregnant, and it’s looking more and more every day like we’ll actually get to bring this little guy home, and for that I really am so grateful, though it doesn’t sound that way right now I know.