Elegy for Amy

26w1d March 16, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — elegyforamy @ 8:48 pm

Day 23 of my confinement; I think the lack of social interaction with anyone but medical professionals and my husband is starting to take its toll. Because we are doing great, and I should be happy! Yay! And I sort of am, but I’m also sort of depressed. My hips hurt, my back hurts, it’s gorgeous outside, tomorrow will be the same as today and it starts to feel like no matter how well we do, I’m going to be stuck here until I have a baby, which all signs indicate will be kind of a while from now.

Which is what we want. Bed rest is just ironically exhausting.

We had two great appointments this past week – the first, my glucose screening, I do not have gestational diabetes. I got my steroid shots “just in case,” and then, because it’s only a week away, they gave me my third trimester educational session. Which filled me with glee, actually – she’d pull out a paper, “this is a list of pediatricians we recommend, here’s some tips about choosing one,” and I laughed and laughed in disbelief at each one because this is NORMAL stuff. Normal stuff that normal people having normal babies in normal pregnancies have to think about, and we’ve somehow gotten to the point where I might actually get to do some of the normal stuff, too. Pediatricians! Are for live babies! They think I’m going to have one! Can you believe it??

The second was beyond my wildest imaginings – Friday’s ultrasound. We’re at 26 weeks, which is amazing, and we were stable last time, so for once I went in thinking optimistically that it might still be stable, or maybe it only shortened a smidge, and since it’s not even technically too short yet, stable might mean less restrictive bed rest in a few weeks. And knowing that in the worst-case scenario, I do not have to see that damn DNR form anymore, I’m 26 weeks, this baby is getting saved one way or another.

Well, my cervix was not stable. It was better than stable. It’s gained back nearly 1 cm in length. Which is the most incredible relief. We have wiggle room, now. Cushion. A totally normal, un-bed-rest-able, unconcerning cervical length. At 26 weeks. For me. I can not actually count the number of loud relieved sighs that took place between leaving the exam room and returning home.

So I should be happy! And I am. I really, really am. It’s just doubly frustrating to now be on bed rest for something that doesn’t even warrant bed rest, except that it might only be that long because I’ve been on bed rest. And I keep asking for some privileges, and they just say we’ll talk about it later. They want me on strict. 24/7 laying down except to pee and eat bed rest, with a perfectly long cervix! I’m not asking to run a mile, or go shopping, or even go to work, I’m asking if I can like, sit in a recliner for an hour a day. Or maybe on the weeks when I don’t have three doctors appointments, I could go out to eat at a restaurant one time instead, which logically is WAY LESS ACTIVITY. But everyone wants to be on the safe side. And so do I, I totally get it. But I’m the one stuck in this bed, in this body, and it’s really kind of hard.

But we’re 26 weeks and 1 day pregnant, and it’s looking more and more every day like we’ll actually get to bring this little guy home, and for that I really am so grateful, though it doesn’t sound that way right now I know.


2 Responses to “26w1d”

  1. Tracy Says:

    Just wanted to validate your feelings. Nobody understands but you how physically and mentally exhausting it is to just lay there day in and day out. Totally worth it and I would go back and do exactly the same thing in a heartbeat since I have my 17 month old bed rest baby sitting right here next to me. Still, very very exhausting. Hopefully you will have less restrictions sooner than later. I was let off a little bit at 32 weeks and then at 34 weeks, my doctor was like “Be a normal pregnant woman now!”. I couldn’t fully feel or act normal until 36 or 37 and then the cerclage was removed anyway. Not to make you frustrated but my doc said that the recliner is fine…maybe ask again next week or the week after and find out why, specifically, the recliner isn’t okay? Is it the pushing back with your body and that minimal strain?

    Congratulations though!!! You do sound more relieved and that’s nice to hear!

  2. Emily Says:

    That is great news!

    I get that you want to follow your doctor’s advice to the letter…but they aren’t you and they ‘aren’t the boss of you (to sound totally childish)’. If you feel like you’d be safe and comfortable going out for dinner once in awhile, then I say do it. You’re right that it’s no more stressful than a doctor’s appointment, so why no go for it. You do have a bit of wiggle room. You are at 26 weeks. Metal health is important too and if yours is suffering from being indoors that’s not good either.

    Also, do you have many visitors? I say throw a ‘bed rest’ party! Have a friend or two come over and bring snacks, drinks and join you lying around. Some of my ‘fondest’ memories of bed rest (and it pretty much sucked from beginning to end), were when a friend or my mom or even my husband and I would plan a special evening where we’d veg out together. Treat it as if you were going out and get dressed and even do your hair. It’s nice to feel ‘outside ready’ every once in awhile. Have someone paint your nails, or give you a massage always feels great too.

    Also, if it’s nice weather and you have access to an out door area, try sitting outside for awhile. With Kaia I was on bed rest all through the spring so I would walk the 10 feet outside after getting up to go pee and lay on a reclining deck chair with my feet up. It wasn’t as comfortable as a bed, but with pillows it was okay. Even if you soak up some sun for 30 minutes, it will improve your outlook.

    Keep gestating, you’re doing great!

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